Saturday, April 28, 2007

Trapped

The girl leaned panting against the tree. She had been running long and hard. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing. 1-2-3, slowly she regained control of her wobbling knees. Eyes still shut tight, she listened to the woods. She could hear birds chirping and the insects, all the normal woodsy sounds, everyone oblivious to her dilemma. She also heard the dreaded footsteps, seeming closer than before. They were muffled, but she knew them well. It was cold. She shivered, trying not to move much. Movement translated to noise and noise was something to be avoided. Noise would alert.

Trembling, she peeped out from the protection of the tree trunk. Peering into the green, she couldn't make anything out. But she knew she'd have to locate him before being spotted herself. It was a matter of life and death. Her eyes scoured the area, but in vain. Desperation began creeping up her spine. She wiped her moist palms and looked around more carefully. The fear of being found gripped her heart and she couldn't move. She thought of climbing up but that was difficult in her dress, her bright orange dress. Oh why had she fought with her mother to wear it?! "Mother wanted me to wear the green one!", she thought mournfully.

Suddenly, a sound snapped her out of her reverie. There was that sound again.. of feet snapping a twig. He was somewhere near, her senses warned her. She hesitatingly peered again just in time to see a snatch of red amongst the green. "Where are you?" she heard. That sinister voice! It grated against her ears. She was petrified. He was closer, what if he found her, the consequences were too dire to be even thought about..

She realised she had to move away. She began picking her way through the under-bush. She finched as the leaves rustled around her. Oh dear! She knew she'd alerted him. She turned around and two pairs of eyes met. He saw her and grinned wickedly. Eyes widening in fear, she turned and fled, ran as fast as her little feet could carry her.She could hear him running after her, hear him getting closer and closer. Faster and faster she ran, blood pounding in her ears, but he was gaining on her.

Slowly she realised with a sinking sensation that she wouldn't be able to outrun him. She needed a plan... but what? Running and thinking, running and thinking, she felt herself tiring out. What could she do!? She heard him panting behind her, "Maybe he'd get tired too!" She laughed as she realised that that would happen long after she tired out. He was very close now. If he stretched out his hand, he would be able to touch her. And that is exactly what he did, he stretched out his arm, grabbed her shoulder and pulled her violently to a stop. Fearfully she turned around, all fight drained out of her, and her brother said, "Tag, you're it."



PS: Can't think of a title. Help!

13 comments:

~Lord Anshul said...

me first me first.. :)

amazingly written..it reminded me of the nike tag ad :D

title...hmm..you've been tagged

Unknown said...

Nice Post, very nicely written. But, these days I'm quite exposed to videos & stories with unexpected ending, so, I always knew that there is nothing serious. Plus, there were several other things pointing towards that.

But, its really well written, esp the dress part. :D

Silver Mist said...

@ord Anshul: Yay, you first! Thanks a lot. Dunno about the Nike ad. Elucidate!

@Ashish: Thanks! Aww dammit, I'd hoped I'd fool everyone!
What are these things that you mentioned, the ones which pointed towards the ending? I'd REALLY like to know so that I can edit 'em out! Do tell.. And thanks!

That Girl said...

Haha, nice! :)
But like Ashish said, I could make out from the beginning that something was up - only, from the way she was hiding, I thought it would be a game of hide & seek. But then he saw her and then they started running, so couldn't have been that... so yeah, you got me stumped and sitting in BIG suspense (what game could it be?) there :P

And very well written. I esp. like the movement-noise thing and the dress part.

vidur said...

I thought they were playing Hide & Seek... Damn i missed the perfect ending...

R said...

DAMN!!! I also thought its Hide & Seek.. DAMN. Like everyone else. Sheesh.

But yeah, gotta agree its very well written. Why don't you write more?!

Jayant said...

:D Well, I didn't think it was Hide & Seek. I just scrolled down and saw what game it was. :D :D
But, I loved it nonetheless! It's pretty well written. Although, you could've made the narrative darker to make the ending more unexpected. Yeah, that always works, add a murderous twist here, a suicidal one there, and you've got yourself a story. I'm saying this from personal experience. :D :P

Silver Mist said...

@Amiya: Yay! I got yo stumped! Yay!
Thanks!

@Vidur: Ha! Ha! You missed the perfect ending! HA! So what dya think of the writing bit, mister??

@Rohit: Ha! Ha! You got fooled, just a little bit, but yeah, FOOLED! HA!
Thanks!

@Jayant: Unghh! Spoil-sport! Yeah, you'd know all about the dark side, wouldn't you! Thank you, glad you loved it!

@EVERYONE: ERRRR, I THOUGHT I'D ASKED HELP FOR A TITLE FOR THE STORY.. WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOUR IMAGINATIONS GUYS?

Shreya said...

hmmm....hide n seeks wht i thought as well!!! but i really liked the descriptions!!!

life_as_a_box said...

Hey!! Thanks for your comment, and I'm really sorry bout the "Allahbad" typo, I corrected it already...!! :)....Really nice story, and great structure!! It's nicely complete in itself. Title?? I'm cheesy with titles, but I'll give it a shot: "The Turn", "You're It"....okay, I can't do this!!! :(

But really nice stuff!! Cheerz. :)

Jayant said...

Oooh you finally got a title. Tell everyone thanks to whom! :D :P

Silver Mist said...

@Shreya: Thanks! :)

@life_as_a_box: Glad you corrected that!
And thank you
Thanks for the ideas too!
:)

@Jay: Yeah, I did! Great innit! Will tell! :)

Silver Mist said...

@ALL: Though it should be obvious by now, the title was thanks to Jay.

Thanks! :D